woensdag 30 december 2009

donderdag 24 december 2009

I used to see the world as dark, now everyday the sun shines in my heart, you lift me up. Your love is a drug

Your love is like a drug to me.
And at the moment it feels like I'm having a low sugar level..
This week was really great.
First, the snow.
Second, the freedom this week.
And I was saving the best for last:
I have seen my love every day until this morning, since friday evening. Sunday is now one of my greatest memories of the snow.

We went for a walk through my hometown, a tiny picturesque village.
I made a snowangel and he jumped in a big mass of snow, whereupon I had to pull him out.
I'd like to repeat a quote I have mentioned before (Made by an inspiring artist named Joey):

From monday to thursday(today) I was 'home'. At his place.
It really feels like a home now and I'm already getting a bit homesick haha.
I'm in rehab now you know.. Although I ate quite some chocolate today, my sugar level is quite low ;) (if you know what I mean *giggle).

In the past couple of days we did a lot and we did almost nothing.
It felt really nice to wait for him until he comes home from work. It felt natural.
As if it was supposed to be.
Because I had a free day I had all the time for the things I wanted to do.
So I decided to do something special for my guy.
I thought it would be fun to straighten my hair (very ironic, it wasn't my straightner but his haha). I was going for the eighties look as far as it was possible with the things I had with me.
I was wearing a white blouse with a Prince look, wearing a guns 'n roses black leather bracelet and skinny's with bleach stains. (maybe next time I will tease my hair..)
It was really weird to see myself with straight hair (when I looked at myself in one angle I looked kinda like my mom). I think he really liked it. Maybe even more than my own curls haha.
I hope I pleased him with that.

Today I bought a straightener, thought it would be time to have one now. :)
So there are going to be more straight days!

Tomorrow it is christmas, so I won't write tomorrow. Oh wait, yes I will.. Because my dad somehow had to ask my grandma to come saturday in stead of tomorrow. He is very tired of his work, so I think he wants sort of a resting day. But I have to work saturday so maybe I won't see my grandma at all.
Oops, getting cranky here, so I'm going to quit this section for now.

To end my blog for today.

You lift me up.
Lift me up.
Up in the air, in the clouds.
High in the sky.
You make me high.
Your love is my drug.

donderdag 17 december 2009

First quote from a special person, oh its also my quote of the day :) :
Ho ho let it fucking snow!!!

Yeah that's right it is snowing! (surprise surprise)..
I luvvv it! Just went for a walk with my dog and enjoyed the scenery, made some pics and stuff.
The only bad thing about it is that eventually you are soaked due to the snowflakes..
But no worries thank god for central heating and fireplaces (also very cosy (romantic) hihi)!

Oh and one other thing, why are there always people who think it is cool to throw snowballs at people they don't know??! Oh let me correct myself; Those snowballs aren't snowballs, more like iceballs..
I met some people like that today, with result I have a big blue bruise on my ass :D
Oh wait that isn't correct either, it is now yellow. Awesome! it really matches with my red hair ;) (NOT).

Today I found out I have a bladder infection (again in one month (A)). But that's no big deal, I just do the things what I want to do and ignore the pain and fever! I take antibiotics so it is going to be fine!

I had singing lessons today and I had to cycle for 30 minutes in a blizzard, but it was quite fun. Except for the panda bear look after it, haha. But it was quite stylish.. If my style was emo ;)
I sung two songs today: Let it be (from the beatles of course) and foolish games from Jewel.
Foolish games went really great, if you don't know the song;
it is about a girl who is sick of these foolish games this guy is playing with her and in the chorus of the song she sings that it is tearing her apart en that he is breaking her heart.
The reason it went really great is because I almost made my teacher cry with the song foolish games :) That feels like a major climax, that I can sing an emotion. So I am happy all day and really look at the bright side of life woohoo!

Here a little quote again:

A hundred hearts would be too few
To carry all my love for you.
~Author Unknown

The woman who gives me singing lessons is more to me than just the person who helps me/teaches me how to use my voice. I see her more as a ''life-mentor''.
Everytime I see her we have a conversations about life; what really makes me think about life, changes my vision about stuff and broadens my mind and believes.
She really opens my thoughts.
I know her now for about 4 to 5 years and I believe that if I had never known her, I wouldn't be the person I am now. I would haver never take certain risks in my life. I would miss my creativity. I wouldn't be so expressive. I would barely open up for people.
She really stimulated (stimulates) my creativity and my true identity. I really have grown because of her. I stand up for myself and I am not afraid to be myself.
She was, is and hopefully will be teaching me more about life.
I will be writing more about her.

I can't make my blog in a relative context this time, but I don't give a shit :)
I would like to end my
blog with these lyrics:

But he takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But he makes me want to believe.

I call him love, love, love, love, love.
I call him love, love, love, love, love.
He is love, and he is all I need.

He's all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh she'll be there, yes she'll be there,
I call him love, love, love, love, love.
I call him love, love, love, love, love.
I call him love, love, love, love. love.

He is love, and he is all I need,
He is love, and he is all I need,
He is love, and he is all I need.

p.s. If you didn't noticed it, (if not that is quite stupid ;) ) until now I write/mention about the one I love, my guy: Joey in every blog of mine . Thatwill probably happen a lot more ;)
Random ending.

Me and Bebop in da snow <3

woensdag 16 december 2009

Happiness and sadness run parallel to each other. When one takes a rest, the other one tends to take up the slack. ~Hazelmarie Elliott

I decided to write a more happy blog.
Not only because the others were very sad (and their sadness really start to annoy me), but also
because I am very happy.
I came to realize I have to be more positive in life. I was already trying that for a bit, but when I reread my blogs they really annoyed me.. :') and I think positivity has to be more central in my life, so that is going be a ''theme'' for me the couple of weeks (perhaps months haha..)
I was a bit in denial about it, but now I would like to shout it out: I am a dramaqueen!

I thought about a song today, probably the whole world knows the song (if not where is your cultural knowledge?? Have you lived under a rock or something..?),
and I think I'll have to keep this song in my mind. Well.. the lyrics I mean, I probably would not survive it if the melody would get stuck in my head :')
''Always look on the bright side of life''

So that is what I am going to do.. :)

And I would like to mention this quote, because this is how I feel right now, my new vision about missing someone:

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will.
~Author Unknown

And another one:

We only part to meet again.
~John Gay

Oh yeah if you were wondering where my ''sudden'' happiness is coming from. It is because I got to see my sugar last night! And I can't wait to see him next week and I really am going to try to think happy thoughts haha and to be cheerful as I always am.
I am a very cheerful person, in my opinion, but I can really drag myself in a negative vibe and exaggerate the feelings, what explains my other ''drama-blogs''.
I'm very curious if I am going to succeed. I hope so, because it is very difficult for me to finish things when it gets hard..

Think positiveeee!!
xoxo Dramaqueen ;)

P.S. Yeah I know my blog doesn't make any sense hihi

dinsdag 15 december 2009

Writing helps a bit :)

I want you so badly it's my biggest wish

I thought I knew what it was to miss someone.
But that was nothing.

The feeling I have now is almost unbearable. There is nothing that can distract me (good) enough from the thought I miss him so much.
There are only just a couple of days that went by, but because I know that there are more days following the feeling feels so strong already.

I miss you like crazy even more than words can say
I miss you like crazy every minute of every day.
I miss you like the sky misses the birds
I miss you like a song without the words

I miss you like the sun misses the day.
I miss you in a very special way.

I couldn't sleep tonight.
Normally when I'm feeling like crap, I fall asleep easily when I cry and I sleep all night. But this time I constantly woke up, because I had to cry!
Why isn't it controllable?

I have never had this feeling for someone ever! And in one way I think it is really effin great! I love it, that this feeling is possible! But on the other hand it feels miserable.. I feel miserable, because I want to be with him every second that is possible.
But there are not so much seconds at the moment..

There is one thing that makes it a bit better. He misses me too.
Someone has said it before:

''Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too.''
Author unknown

Too bad I still feel a pain, but there is a pleasure too. Although I don't think you could call it a pleasure.. Because I don't wish him the same feeling back.

Honey I love you so much, and I can't wait to see you soon.
I think about you constantly, whether it's with my mind or my heart.

I know I already send you this..
But this is for you:

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

I can hardly breathe
I need to feel you here with me
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear
Will always get me throught the day
And make it okay

I miss you.

my thoughts about the present, october the 6th

This is something I wrote on the 6th of october.

I succeeded in finding someone where I mean something to.
That feels really strange.
To mean something to someone.
''Why do I mean something to someone?'' goes through my mind.
I have never known this.
''Why have I never known this'' is another thought.
Friends always say I deserve someone sweet. Someone who cares about me.
How is it possible that only just now, at the age of 18, I found someone like that for the first time?
I was never really searching/looking.. But I was always on the look. And they say you will find someone than.
When you are not searching..?

Never happened. Only flirts. Like those people who actually don't want to put effort in it, in you,
or people who doesn't attract me, like not my type and stuff.
It is now dark outside and in fact I can watch in that way to my love history, if you could call that a love history...
Dark, no good times to look back for, because it never came that far.
They all dropped me; first let me swoon and then suddenly POOF they were gone.

''I don't want to wreck a friendship''. Hush me up and although all the stuff that happened giving me unclear hints.

''I have never said I would break up for you''. Just lie straight to me in the face, but when there is no one else around, saying something different.
''I am in love with you, I am going to end my relationship for you'' and so on.

''You are too young'' and then the next thing is that my parents find out about us and say we may not have any contact any longer.

Maybe I am overacting all of this. How do I know what it is to be in love, what real love is..?
But you could see it in a different way too. Maybe I am 'blowing it up'', because for me it feels like I am waiting and hoping for so long, until I find what I am longing for (and maybe deserve?).
I feel like a dramaqueen when I am reading this, but sometimes I feel so lonely that this really is what I am feeling.
Although I was thinking the other day; '' I am quite happy, I have great friends and everything is going fine.''
But at the moment I feel quite happy too. But in a different way..
Probably because I finally found/got my desire.

The final picture isn't complete yet.
I have lost a great friend, because of a stupid boy who is such a complete loser.
I (still) don't know what kind of education I want to do.
+ I still think its hard to make a balance with working, plan my (home)work and behave like I want to behave.
Sensible and patient and to be reasonable to my parents.

I hope to learn a lot of my new relationship.

Anyhow I am going to know a lot more happiness of a different category (I hope).